CHAPTER 6....... FATE

The phone got disconnected as soon has she spoke out the last sentence . God knows it was an intentional act by her or fate had decided to disconnect the network. I guess I won't be able to make it today.The sentence probably din't mean a thing to her but it had impact on Rahil's Life. Fate , destiny , can be cruel at times. First 50 shades and now new year plan got crushed, how can life be so unforgiving at times. Have you ever felt lonely? Have you ever felt alone? Have you ever felt like a puzzle with missing pieces ever? Have you ever felt so empty that darkness takes over?. The phases of life, and Rahil was exactly going through this. Nothing seemed same anymore.

The day got colder now. He had this great ability  of being able to be in a silent room for hours before. He have had break ups in the past. Few bad relationship phases. But this was not even a break up nor a bad phase in a relation for him, this was something he had never felt in the past. He wanted to be with her and watch at her dimples while she talked. He felt hollow, a vacuum was formed inside him. The sound of the ceiling fan sounded more infuriating as he laid down on the bed with desperation. The ever moving clock looked more irksome. Silently , he unfolded the newspapers and started reading them when the message notification popped up. 

"15 UNREAD MESSAGES" it read. Most of them had arrived at the middle of the night, wishing him " happy New Year" , which were all left out of his sight throughout the night. The excitement of meeting her for the first time had left him in an unsound mind all throughout the ungodly hours of the night. He decided to check them up and slowly replied them back with a demented face .

The last one he received  up to the minute was from Rohan.

"Happy new year buddy, sorry couldn't wish you at night as i was all wasted yesterday" read the message.

"Its Ok bro, I slept early yesterday, and Happy new year to you too" he texted back.

Rohan although had one of the fittest body around but had great appetite for beers or alcohol. He could go on and on, bottles after bottles. 

As Rahil replied back to all the messages he went ahead to the balcony of his second floor apartment that opened into the open world and a deep blue sky above. He felt the winter breeze hitting on his face. The sun was nowhere to be seen. The  sky looked clouded, and as far as his sight went, he could see buildings all around and a layer of polluted air above them. A city of more than 15 million seemed so silent and at peace. The balcony had been his creativity room for years now. Every night he used to sit there for hours and used to fill up his diary pages with poems, articles, stories, quotes and Ayesha lately.

Suddenly the ringtone took away his lost world stage and brought him back to reality. It must be her, he thought. Unintentional smile took over his downcast look . The mobile showed Prashit's number. How stupidly he expected every messages and calls to be from her.

"Hello, Happy new year brother" Rahil said.

"Same to you bro, and listen"

"yes, i am all ears, say"

"We are planning to come down to your room and celebrate today. So if its ok with you, I guess we will be there within an hour."

"I don't have any problem. I am ok with it"

"Ok then,i will pick up Rohan and we will be on our way now." saying this , he hung up.

He spent the next half hour, cleaning his small world, and putting the scattered stuffs back to their places. Half a year ago, the same get together in that small world of his would give him immense pleasure. Would bring immense satisfaction to him. The booze sessions, the never ending topic on Bollywood, Messi or Ronaldo, who is the best, all these seemed so much fun. The get together managed to take away his lonely life for the interim span of time. But now it din't. Crush made him numb, irrational and this time a little anti social too.

Everything around him was Grey. The new year plan din't help it enough for him. Why the hell did she cancelled the plan he thought cleaning up the astrays that was almost full. I used to be alone and i can be, i have been like this for 21 years now , he thought , negativity flowing all through his veins now. He had read somewhere " Even if there is no person left to love you in this world, there will always be one-yourself", but the quote din't seem to do the trick for him. Somewhere inside , he now wanted to be loved  by her,  caressed by her. Rahil din't want her to be his crush anymore as crushes can be confusing sometimes. After cleaning up the half filled astray, and folding the last sheet of newspaper lying down on his bed, he decided to call Prashit.

"Hello, guys where are you all?"

"Hello Rahil, actually Joy is getting beers for us, so we will be there in fifteen minutes." replied Prashit.

"OK"

Now the alcohol seemed to be the only cure left for Rahil. Quietly , he rested his back against the pillow, and again stared at the never stopping clock. This new year looked no good for him unless fate played some part in it.**********

*********

The doorbell rang. He opened his eyes and went ahead towards the door.  The fifteen minutes nap also failed to restore him. With his eyes half open, he slowly opened the door.

"Happy new year mate," Joy hugged him with a smile, as soon as he opened the door. His eyes held full excitement for the day. Time galloped away when they used to meet everytime before, but Rahil was still stucked on that phone call he had  received early morning from Ayesha. 

Meanwhile, Prashit and Rohan went inside and placed a bag, containing bottles of volatile liquid and some chips and packets of bhujiya on the bed. It was 1P.M and winter breeze had brought some rain with it , it was drizzling now. The cold wind managed to make its way into the room  through the only window.

Prashit made his way to the bathroom and Joy went downstairs to get some cigarettes for the day. The next half an hour was spent discussing life and the current college news , and how they missed college now. Even Ayesha was not spared from the topic and Rahil explained his current equation to all of them. Then usual Bollywood discussions ,followed up with football and politics. Rahil was feeling like a martian right now, he desperately wanted to be inducted into the group once again, but he couldn't. His new found zest for living , was what all he could think of.

The rain had stopped by now, and the boozing session kicked off .

"So you love her Rahil?" Rohan started the first topic for the session.

"Ummm...I don't know..but"

"But what, you like her right?"

"Yes" he cleared the mist of the confusion.

"Many guys like her Rahil" Joy interfered. This sentence from him evoked a strange feeling inside Rahil. Joy had this ability to sound irritating at times, though he was never aware of that.

" So, how can I help it?" Rahil asked Joy.

"Man , you must take steps towards her , I feel. Just sitting here and liking her won't create any miracle for you" Prashit said, sipping on his glass of beer. No wonder, they had no idea how unlucky he had been lately. He felt like a loser. He tried and was still trying to make a place in her world. The suggestions they gave seemed like those same college lectures, where most of the time was spent sleeping. He was not being able to get his thoughts in order.

The conversation persisted in a active manner ahead. All three looked full of life and enthusiasm, as the bottles emptied up and lined up beside them. Rahil was just there sipping on his part and lost in his own web of imaginations and philosophies. 

"So guys , who will win the IPL this season? Rohan shouted and a long discussion followed between the three of them. Rahil was out of words and out of thoughts today. He was silently staring at the three chirping personalities in front of him.

" Excuse me guys, just a sec" saying this, he got up from the conference and headed towards his creativity room, the balcony. The polluted layer had decreased by now. Drizzles continued, and the day grew brighter than before. He took long breaths standing there silently. The conversation inside the room had evolved to football now, but little did he cared to participate. He stood there, in the balcony,firmly, looking at the sky , birds flying up above. His eyes would follow them until they disappeared into the horizon. Everything was silent and held its own meaning at that time.

His head had started feeling little heavy now, a sudden warmth covered his body. The three bottles of beer inside had grasped him and started curing him for now.

He felt a vibration inside his left pocket . He took out the phone and it was a call from an unknown number, he answered the phone...

"Hello"

"Hello, Rahil ,Ayesha here".......

Fate could do wonders at times. One can control his destiny but not his fate. Most Gods throws dice , but fate plays chess. We all have the choices as to whether we fulfill our destiny, but our fate is sealed, and this was his fate. Her name was AYESHA.

*********************

CHAPTER 5- Taking The Next Step.

"
31st DECEMBER
Three monstrous days have passed, since she asked me to go for a movie with her. I don't care about the movie though, all i want is to be with her. Since that night everyday seems more than a dreadful year. It was only the excitement of meeting her for the first time. I talk with her every night. She feels the most appropriate thing in my life now. If i could cut short time, i'd directly jump off to the date when i would meet her. Her brunette cascade flowing down through the back of her ears, eyes that could captive all the wildness in the world. Lips , when they moved gave out a melodious tone enough to intoxicate me, she makes me fall in love the more i talk to her. All my troubles go away when she smiles, and happiness showers upon my face. My Life is not boring now. I feel I can fly and touch the sky, only to be with her.
I could go on and on describing her till the stars would stop signing above, till there will be no place left in the world to write about her, then, i could write a little more.  Its 10 and i haven't eaten my dinner but i don't feel hungry. All i wait is to be back to bed and wait for her tuition to get over and i could text her, staring at the clock as it gradually moves, mocking my desperation"


Rahil gently closed his diary in which he would describe his feelings for her every night and little more than three weeks now, the diary was almost half filled. He gently put a lid onto his beautifully crafted parker pen. He did exactly what he had described. Leaving aside his diary he started staring as the merciless hands of the clock moved as slowly as they could, exciting and tormenting him at the same time. Why don't they release the film tomorrow, everything else could wait, he thought. Betwixt this dilemma, rang his phone. He immediately looked at the screen which said " 1 NEW MESSAGE".


" Done with tuition, did you have dinner?" the message read.

" Nope, and you?" he replied immediately with a smile on his face that she always managed to put up with a single message.

"Idiot go and have your dinner." was the reply. He had to counter his words carefully now.

"No, I mean i had something late evening so I m not hungry yet.What about you?" he texted back.

"Nope not till now. You know today SG sir almost threw me out from the class as I was texting you, that moron" Rahil din't understand what was wrong in this, they would wait for this, everyday, all their college life, and would be happy to walk out from the class with dignity.

"Anyway leave it. You know i have a bad news." the text came back.

"What news?" he typed with all his strength with millions of possibilities that the above text could bring, running all over him.

"Actually that movie which we had decided, I guess it will be banned in India" The message almost brought his world down. Stupid Government, there are crores of problems this country is facing and needs to be mended and  they thought banning this movie would make a difference , he thought. All the dreams he had thought caved in that very moment.

" What ? Seriously?  You know what,The Government itself should be banned in this country" he replied , little irritated and speechless.

"Hahahaha, let it be, I will download it and watch " came the reply, but what about his excitement, the plans he had for the day, all went in vain.

"Hmmm, OK" he texted with much less energy this time.

Damn it, he couldn't believe his luck. The clock started moving in the slowest way possible, the room seemed more messy than before to him.

"Now go and have your dinner." she replied, wonder why she was so obsessed with dinner. Crushes can be irritating sometimes.

"OK" he replied.

"Hey whats your plan for tomorrow? I mean for new year?" wanting to create as much chances for him to be with her, he piled on the message. Never had Rahil given so much effort on someone before, he was used to getting it though.

"Nothing just another day for me, I guess" as the message popped up all his hopes were resurrected with a single message again. He had no intention of giving up.

"So can we go out, like for a lunch? A good way to start a good coming year" as he typed this he couldn't wait for the reply. She always managed to fasten his heartbeat.

"I don't have any problem with that, but i guess I have to schedule my math's tuition" Math tuition on the first day of the year, seriously how lame, he thought. If he had to list out the most painful things one would face in life, this would probably be somewhere at the top.

" So tell me, will you go?

"Ok we will go, we will be meeting for the first time, feels good, anyway i got to go for my dinner now. TTYL" the message came instantly.

"Ok"

The room turned beautiful again, nothing seemed messy now, the walls, the books, half pressed pillow, all looked bright and amazing again. He couldn't wait for the time to pass and the dawn to appear again.
*********

As always , his sleep broke right before the alarm rang on his phone. It was the first day of the year, a bright but cold one. A different year and a different day for him. Usually he would go back to his serene dream, but today reality itself was to become more important than his dreams. How could he go back to sleep when it was the perfect start on the calendar. A  smile gently spread over his face and just to make sure all this was the reality passing, he browsed through the last night's texts. Yes it was true indeed. Adrenaline kicked in as he read her messages. He threw his blanket aside and jumped off the bed with much enthusiasm. A little more enthusiasm and he would bang his head right into that book self. He went to freshen up for the memorable day, even brushing teeth seemed fun. He could feel every breath he took in. The cold water had no effect on him today on shower, the songs he was singing sounded more chilled on instead.
After completing the chorus he came back to his room only to realize it was just 9 A.M. Four more prosaic hours. How could time be so harsh on him . He decided to watch the television, but switched it off in just a couple of minutes. He decided to play some games on his Sony handset, but this never failing idea too succumbed even before the mobile finished booting up. What on earth was he supposed to do. Finally he logged in Facebook and started stalking her profile, which had been his duty for days now. Every photos and selfies gave him immense joy and his heart skipped a beat with every next slideshow. Having gone through all her pictures he opened up the messages and started reading them. Time surely moves at different paces at different situations.

"It gallops for a prisoner on his way to execution
and halts for the bride who is to be married tomorrow,"

His phone rang and without wasting a second he attended the call.

"Hello," he said

"hey good morning"

"Good morning" he said if , but he wanted to scream with happiness right now.

"Actually listen, i needed to say something, I guess I won't be able to make it today" the voice from the other side sounded.

 Crushes....crushes...crushes...they are indeed very beautiful.
************************

CHAPTER 4...WINTER

THREE WEEKS AFTER FAREWELL NIGHT......

Rahil woke up suddenly to the jarring sound of the doorbell, splitting through the lull somewhere in space. Its very cruel, he thought, to wake up in this manner on such a cold Sunday morning. Winters had settled in Kolkata. This season always brought the best out of this city. From music festivals, literary festivals,book fair, melas, flower shows to vintage car rallies, dog shows everything made the city so happening during this part of the year. Not to forget the Christmas and New Year's Eve of Park street. One could find immense crowd gathering, and could experience the charm of Rio de janeirio in Part Street. Yes winters in this city was mild, full of fun and extravaganza

Rahil slowly opened up his eyes to be welcomed by cool breeze flowing, lying down in that same bed, parked at one corner of his rented room. The sudden sound of doorbell violently took away his sleeping life.

Slowly he re learned his existence and brought his mind back to reality. What day is it? Where do i have to be today? Will the sun show up or will it be another cold day? With all sorts of queries running all over his mind, he got up from the bed and opened the door, just to be greeted by angry looking, rude postman with a post in his hand .

Now it had been four long years of moving in this vital hub of Bengali speaking community for him. He knew people out here, plenty of them, but why would someone send him a post. He had never received one in the past. He had this confused look on his face.

Was it a reply to an e-mail he had once sent to a publishing house for his poems or was it from his family residing some five hundred kilometers north. It could possibly be another prank from Joy, or even Rohan and Prashit, but why would they? All sorts of thoughts running inside his skull, with a smile , Rahil greeted the postman.

" Is it for me?"

The postman replied by pointing at the Address column printed on the envelope.

" Rahil Singh,

19/B sarobar lane,

Kolkata 700123"

As the above address suggested , it was for him.

"Thank You" Rahil replied with a smile and what-the-hell-is going-on look in his face.

"Ekhane sign korun" (Please sign here)  the postman made him sign on a sheet that confirmed it was delivered to the right individual and left with his rude face.

With a post in his hand, he came back to his room, which had been a small world for him and his creativity. Empty soda cans lined up, few clothes sprawled down on the floor, an unmade bed with papers thrown over, a folded pillow half pressed against the wall was what his world looked like. The continuous sound made by the ceiling fan above was the only noise that could be heard. Resting his back against the half pressed pillow he decided to end up this curiosity and opened the envelope. A " Happy New Year" card was what he found inside it. 

It read " HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE. MAY YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR AHEAD AND A SUCCESSFUL LIFE AFTER COLLEGE.

FROM AYESHA"

It was an advance new year greeting for him from his crush. Ayesha always managed to surprise him in every way . Yes Ayesha and Rahil had started their conversation just the day after farewell. For one week, Facebook played an important role and great support in his love life, till the day he dared once again and asked for her Watsapp number to which she never denied. All thanks to the two bottles of beer that was inside him that night. With formal HI and Hello and normal talks for a week on facebook now the conversation had evolved to " Life Dreams", "Career Goals" and dreams.

Ayesha seemed to be an interesting girl to him. No wonder crushes are beautiful. Her philosophies on life and If-you-like-it-go get-it attitude used to excite him, and she patiently used to listen to his poems every night and always insisted Rahil to follow his dream and write a Novel one day.

She turned out to be a simple girl with an interesting personality and beautiful face , but her philosophies made her look complicated. No wonder she was still in first year and little immature with the aspects of life.

From last three weeks his nights were no longer, lonely now as before. There was someone who he could talk with for hours and who would appreciate his creativity and pushed him to follow his dreams, he had someone for this cold lonely nights of Kolkata. Crushes had always been beautiful.

It seemed she too showed some interest in Rahil  but he had read somewhere " Even God can't understand what woman thinks ", their leads could be deceptive sometimes and he was aware of that.

His fame in college, his striking sense of humor with a blend of poetic side and his goals, had done the trick for him till now.

With the best possible start he could get for the day he decided to text his crush.

"Hey, are you awake?"

"Yes , good morning " came the reply from the other side. How everyone loves when they get their replies instantly.

"You seriously sent me this? I mean why? Rahil typed instantly again.

"Leave it for now, actually can i ask you something?" typical girl reply came. Change of topic and how they manage to do this everytime possible, God knows the answer( I wonder even if God knows).

Putting the envelope aside he decided to carry on with her.

"yup, ask." he replied.

Life had become more harsh after farewell for him and for his friends. No wonder he missed those good old days. The focus  now had shifted to nothing more than to succeed in life. Now the only thing left for him in this city was his graduation exams scheduled after three months. Somehow, in the middle of all these, Ayesha had managed to make a space for herself inside his mind by now. He thanked Prashit each day now for giving his last Dare of the college life, on that farewell night.

"Next week i guess 50 shades of grey is releasing in India, so will you mind if i ask you to go for it with me?"

She managed to surprise him one more time. A date for the first time and what better than the film she chose. He din't know what to reply for a while but on the other side he din't want to miss a single chance that life gave him to be with her.

" Okay, i don't have any problem" he replied with mixed emotions. it had been a day full of confusion for him , so far.

"Okay, wait i will text you after a while" the message popped up on the screen.

Quite an adventurous morning for him it turned out to be. Winters seriously brought the best out of this city. He kept his phone aside and decided to make his bed and freshen up for one more day.

Yes crushes bring you alive, they surprise you, make you go down on knees. They make you listen to their boring philosophies. Rahil now couldn't wait for 50 shades of Grey to release .

**********************

CHAPTER 3

The tremors had kicked in the moment she turned  back to him. This felt the hardest thing he had done in years, much harder than getting bullied up in high school, harder than attending his mom's funeral, harder than living alone in one of the largest cities of India. But he had done it, walking up to her and calling out her name in between the crowds. Amidst the free flow of music and emotions of the crowd, he slowly tried to ease himself by talking deep breaths.

"Hi there" she replied to the effort he had put up with a smile on her face for him. As she replied , her voice as soothing as her blue eyes, her curls flowing down her back made Rahil more numb. His brain had given up already. He din't want to go wrong this time, his eyes locked into hers for a while.

"Hi, I saw you dancing and I just had to come to tell you, you have the most striking sense of style I've seen all day, I'm Rahil" he just let it out what was within him for the first time with a hint of confidence on his face. She was looking beautiful as always and he never wanted that look to fade away.

"oh..Thank you and i know you..by the way i am Ayesha" the dimples just striked the left cheek of hers as she smiled.

"So hows your evening going?" Rahil tried to take the conversation ahead with his miss beautiful.

"Its okay, and yours? she slowly pulled the strings of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ears. God damn Rahil was loosing himself now, all his experiences had turned into ashes.

"Its going all right. So you from Kolkata or from somewhere else?" he asked trying to take a step ahead into her world.

So far it was a pretty standard conversational fare. He wanted to capture her interest. His mind had been searching words and phrases all these time. The practice he used to make to talk to her, in front of his dressing mirror inside his room had all gone in vain. The mugged up lines had been auto erased from his brains by now.But still he seemed little eased up now.

" Nope I'm Kolkata, Born and raised"

"So you know the city pretty well and all the places?" arggghh.....how silly was this line he thought. He sounded like a guy trying little hard. He couldn't afford to set a foot wrong as this was probably the first and last chance he would get to stare at her dimples and deep blue eyes from so close.

" Where are you from?"  she replied.
Thank God she dint react to the previous line he had spoken.

"Right now or Originally?"

" I mean right now"

" Ok. Right now i am a Kolkata native. Well not native, but i live here, If that counts for anything."

"You like it here?" she seemed to be little interested by now. Deep diving with all her questions propelled through her tongue. Rahil had been enjoying this till now, although his dare still remained incomplete.

" Here as in? Kolkata or here right now?"

So far so good , he had managed to sound little humorous too.  Thanks to his research on Google few days ago on " How to impress your Crush?" where it was written that girls like sense of humor.

" I mean Kolkata" she specified her question.

" Yes I like it, its a nice place to be, except there are no amazing jobs out here"

"Yes there are. If you are amazing there are always amazing jobs for you." she differed.

" Yes you are right." and he agreed to what she said. First Law to impress a girl- always agree with their opinion.

"So whats your plan after Graduation.?"  So far so good. She was good with her conversational skills too just like she was with her looks.

" Umm...may be masters or I will move to Delhi, or i may join some work out here. I am little confused and you?"

" I still got two more years for my graduation so haven't thought yet." she replied

It was not so tough as he had thought all this while. " Ayesha " someone shouted from the crowd , disturbing the time of life Rahil was having. All these precious time, wasted with a single shout. Yet relieved that he had finally broken the Ice .

"Ok gotta go" she smiled and again the dimples stroked her face once again.

"Yup , its okay" he replied cursing the person who shouted from the crowd.

" We will continue this on Facebook" she shouted back to him from the crowd while a friend to her was dragging her along probably for those never ending photo sessions. WE WILL CONTINUE THIS ON FACEBOOK this lines now started running all over his mind. He felt on the top. Crushed are the most beautiful things they say.

" Well alright, we will, take care" he shouted back and slowly saw her disappearing into the chaos. He started moving back towards his friends. She seemed simple yet complicated, she seemed outspoken and frank yet introvert. Over these few months  his little crush feeling had morphed into something bigger now. Now he wanted her, Rahil being a Sunday poet believed in fate, destiny, and what good than serendipity. It was not a bad first conversation though, he felt. His friends started shouting, cheering , dancing all over him. High Five , hugs were much more than after that winning Goal from Prashit. Rohan giggled as he watched his friend turn cherry red. Prashit raised his eyebrows and said.." Ab bol kya hua?

Rahil smiled back . He couldn't say a word, his heart had leaped below his shoes, his hands cold as ice cubes. The conversation had left a great feeling in the pit of his stomach that was quite tough to let go on this farewell day.

Now the last day come to an end. The program had ended. They all knew the day would be coming, so here it was. Emotions , feelings, tears flowing all over just because a beautiful journey had come to an end. They all would be going ahead with too many memories, of friend, best friends, teachers, juniors, everyone. It was the time to bid Goodbye to the college, and everyone. Ayesha still had two more years to go in this journey, but it was the day to say " Good bye " to her too.

*********************

Chapter 2 NO GOOD IN THIS GOODBYE

So here is the second chapter for you all

2 months later.....

So here it was. College years had passed in the blink of an eye. The humongous auditorium looked like a beautiful palace room. Dazzling LED's  ran through the edges of the ceiling with a huge disco ball at the center. The entirely marbled floor housed all the speakers at the corners. The windows completely covered making the ambiance of the room complete enough to delude someone into serenity. With a well decorated stage all ready to make the students groove for one last time and a huge crafted "WE WILL MISS YOU " at the back.

Many faces were already at the verge of breaking down. The eyes had gone moist and faces pale. Selfies had already started before the program, a small effort to bring down the memories of three years into a single click. All these while now, the fantastic four could be seen seated back, neatly done in their light stubble and well pressed suits, and with the same energy as always.

The function started with huge cheer and all the nostalgic memories flying through their minds. The flash back videos on stage managed to pierce right through their hearts . Singing, dancing and more followed for the next one hour. All of them had been making the most out of the day till now. Cheering  for their favorite juniors to laughing and shouting their esophagus out. The free flowing energy blended with shades of emotions made everyone smile providing this arousing sentiments.

Between all these, Prashit came up to Rahil with a huge grin hiding his vibes and semblance and matching up his steps with the latest Honey Singh's song he said..
"  Hey mate, finally its over, and the thing is you won't have to choose between Truth and Dare from now on. So it isn't a dare this time but ...like....you won't get the chance now and you know it"

Rahil exactly knew what he meant and always knew that this was coming. By this time the other two had moved ahead into the crowd, dancing their heads off. There she was , dancing off with her friends , she too seemed to be enjoying the moment. She had chosen a blue gown for the day. Those nerdy specs substituted by contacts , hair flowing down the shoulders as always and a smile on that face.
Rahil's eyes had been following her and every movement from the last one hour. His face put up a smile when she would dance and laugh and would turn into who-the-hell-is-he look whenever a guy would come near to her. Now it had been 3 months and he was still happy being away from her and liking her for what she was, stealing a glance of her each day.

"Hmmm...i should have tried once atleast now i feel"
 he came out from the box and confessed it for the first time. What better time to realize this for the first time on the last day.

"Yup, thats what, but you still can for once and for all man."

A go to boy in the college for most of the juniors, the coolest of them all, the athletic one,  fair good looking one was what he used to be. A coward timid and dumb was what he had became in this few months. Crushes are the most beautiful thing , they said. They make you go blind, deaf, irrational and numb, they never said. You don't even know her, you don't even know her choices, likes and dislikes and you get nervous when you see her. Sometimes feelings can be confusing. They are new to you and you don't know how to act. When you see them you probably want to go ahead and stare and talk to her but the other part would want to runaway and hide from her. So this was what Rahil , the main character of my novel had become.

The cries could be heard aloud all over. People clicking group photographs for the one last time trying to compress every memory of the day into a single click to be cherished for years to come.
Selfies were still trending. Tears rolling down , falling in the embrace of their so called BFFs as DJ announced the last track for the day.." party all night" but the " Kal ho na ho " mood had settled inside the four walls.

" So should I? I mean..." Rahil replied.

" Yes man, why not. You will know, that you tried , atleast you did"

"hmm...OK" he said it with a deep breath and his eyes again singing out like a spark out of a bonfire in the middle of the night.

He moved towards her. Her feet hadn't given up and she was still dancing. With a deep breath and the body almost numb and dry he moved ahead. The unique sense of restlessness had already started on the left part of his body. The other three had been putting a curious look on the face and was watching him as if he was stepping to the highest peak of the world. His heartbeat went slow. With no fear of rejection and no point of running away this time, keeping it all to himself he went to her .

" Excuse me, Ayesha"

*********************

So here I am posting chapter 1 ...I hope you guys would make an effort to read this.

       

                                                              CHAPTER 1

"Its a dare", Rahil said. This group of four had been passing their last few months of their college days in the same manner. Bunking classes has never been the forte of students from Goenka college, but they knew these days wont be back. It was getting over, the wonderful journey of three years was almost over. The thought would send chilling vibes through their spine. 

" Ok guys..Rahil says dare, ummm.. wait let us think ..." Prashit said in excitement, sitting in one of those old world charm of college canteen. Rahil already knew by now what was coming towards him. But he was ready for it. All his college days he had been one of the most popular faces around (especially with opposite genders). What not for these guys who had seen him grow all these years and have had the most craziest time together.

" Rahil so here we have a dare for you" Rohan started after having a minute long discussions with all those grin with absurd intentions on their faces.

" Say it and i am ready"

"umm..We all want you to go to the first floor and call her out and say I LIKE YOU"

"What?"

" Yes and one more thing , it has to be on her face, come on man" Prashit added one more clause to the dare.

"Okay i'm ready, lets go" 

Rahil knew whom they were referring to, so without much hesitation he got up from his seat leaving his half eaten Samosa on the plate. He perfectly knew that this was the exact thing they would ask for as this was somehow the last ditch for him too. A fair guy , with a sharp jawline, with a frame of 5'9 with a stubble on his face. He had come to Kolkata after being admitted in this college offering him a bachelor's degree in Accountancy. To top it all , from senior batchmates to freshman year juniors all knew him quite well and many would adore his company . The group had been one of the most active members of the institution from winning a trophy in football for the college in last 35 years to that winning goal from Prashit, a fair guy again with a fair enough dressing sense. That awesome onstage proposal by Rohan during college annual event and a spot on denial that he faced even after owing the best physique . Joy the funnyman of the group. That prank he once played on Principal would be remembered for years to come.

As he moved out of the canteen signalling that canteen guy something( probably a gesture to pay his money later) he developed a sheer pale look on his face. Nervous and these guys? No way. 

There she was with her head down and her eyes just following the lines of some novel , probably written by some scholar or some literature genius. Her hair flowing down from one side of her shoulder , eyes half hidden behind those nerd specs. Rahil just kept staring her when she suddenly kept the book aside on her desk and pulled out that hair tie thing out from her bag. Slowly she had both her hands on her hair and how tidily she managed to make it into a bun and perfected it with that tie band and noticed Rahil staring her from the corridors , she looked at him and with eyebrows little crooked she shook her head gesturing him "What?"

Rahil suddenly ran downstairs and dint turn back and shouted " I can't guys, Anything but not this"

"Come on yaar, she is your crush and how does it matter when you have done this before too and this is the 12th one you had in 3 years.."

"So what, how does it matter guys , lets not do this. We are almost done with college so how does it even matter?" Rahil replied.

Yes he was too good in developing crushes, he used his damn care personality, and that attitude with a blend of college fame to impress them. But deep inside , this time he knew, she was not those one of them, and his friends also had a fair idea about this one, as had been noticing this from last 3 months.

After Rahil's incapability to complete the dare they all went downstairs and entered the common room( hub for all those carrom and table tennis lovers). By this time Rahil had a huge smile on his face, eyes shining out like a spark out of a bonfire in the middle of the night.

His heart was tingled back, igniting the fire. This was not normal for him that too when only few days were left for this golden days to cease. He was in love , In love with his crush and was falling more everytime he saw her.

*******

FOR YOU ALL

Hey guys,

How are you all doing? hope well. Well i have come up with this blog in which i will be sharing all my life experiences with you all. It might sound pretty boring to you all as why you all should be interested in reading blogs on life experience of a guy residing on some opposite part of the world. But this is not all ...i will be posting or rather some life changing instances and hope to keep you all entertained in this journey. Secondly, as a sunday novelist i would be happy to post the chapters of my writings here and get to know views on it from you all. Probably some comments from you all would make me feel more motivated and inspire me to carry this forward in the best possible way i can.

thanks all of you, and keep smiling because life is too short.

Hopless Expectations

Dear Ani

It's been a long time since you've heard from me. Although we see each other every day, I can say that it's different; it's cold, as if we don't have something we shared. It's been so hard for me to accept that we're living separate lives now, looking at things as if we're strangers. The pain that you brought me was not easy to forget. Every day, I'm hurt, but trying to survive.

Sometimes, I'm happy because I wasn't able to think of you for the whole day, or maybe I was, but choose to ignore the thoughts. Little by little, I'm beginning to learn how to love myself and not entertain your presence. But, sometimes I still feel emotional and choose to think of the past and the good memories we had, even if I know that it would worsen my situation.

My environment, especially in the office, was not helpful for me. Sometimes I wanted to quit and start a new life far from you, but it's hard. Just the thought of not seeing you makes me weak. I know it's not healthy, but it's my way of being happy.

Every day, I'm waiting for signs, which sometimes leaves me with hopeless expectations. Every move and every action you make, I interpret ... I'm like a fool watching every moment of you and so desperate for you to notice my existence. A simple smile makes me happy. A short conversation makes my whole day brighter. You fill the empty space in my heart; this is how you make me feel every day.

Maybe I'm still not over you, even if I sing 1000 times that I'm over you, I know deep in my heart that I'm not. I'm still waiting and wanting to be with you again. I still want you back!

Love always,

letter to a dead girlfriend...

This ones for u babe. Yes, it has been a rough year for me. The eternal power of our love wil get this message to you. Well, back to 2014, January, you died. We r no longer under the same sky. You left and that put things to a sour start. Babe, i spent last night with joy and Aadi. We went to food station for dinner. Nothings same out here now. I had everyone get together for my birthday which went well. Your ladies gang no more irritates me or teases me. Aditi is turning up the heat on Adam, who will i am sure be forced to go down on one knee very soon, as you predicted. Last weekend i finally took the step of cleaning out your stuffs. The teddys, mugs, cards, gifts. Everything's barren, nothing seems same. Aditi cried wen i showed her the shoes that you had left in my room. Few girls have started making a move for me but now you know, picking up girls is not my forte anymore. The grieving boyfriend seems to be a far better angle. Who knew , i went out on a date last Saturday and ended up talking about you the whole time- that poor girl. So far no other date reports. I found your that hair tie thing below my bed yesterday . I sat on the floor holding it, and cried, a lot. Until then i had held all together well , but that time it just flooded Yes i have completed the novel and you know what, my main character dies , i guess this time it will sell. Every morning wen i wake up, for a fraction of second i forget that u r gone. I end up checking for your msgs in Whats-app. The cold side of the bed is what i find. My eyes settles down on my whats-app dp. A picture we had clicked in food station. You still look fat. I am overjoyed that even time was brief , and you are lost , i still love u and i am sure from somewhere up above those stars you love me back and put me to sleep every night. I miss you babe, nothing seems same anymore....